A fairly common experience of mine is being asked to go somewhere that I am either not that interested in or that I dislike and choose not to go. Being asked out by friend is a pleasant experience, what often follows is not.

Firstly, I have been to a lot of places and experienced a variety of things. While I certainly have not been everywhere on the planet, I know myself well enough to make a fairly accurate judgment on whether I will have a good time or not. By all means ask me, but respect my right to say no. Maybe I will put myself through hell for you, but that’s my choice and to be given freely, not obtained by emotional blackmail.

I know myself and how I am likely to react to things. I have a very low boredom threshold and dislike most people. I find busy, noisy environments stressful. I have heard all the “party classics” hundreds of times and hated them the first time. I seek new and interesting experiences. Drinking does not count as “doing something” to me anymore. If the idea of “going out” is to socialise with people, a noisy town pub is the last place I want to do it.

I choose to show how I feel about things. If something is stupid or boring, I will say so rather than sit there all night going mad.

I will never, ever have a shit time just to make you feel better.

I will not even consider asking someone to an inappropriate event. If I do ask, I am perfectly happy for you to decline. No excuses are necessary.

If you know that I am having a shit time, but that doesn’t matter to you as long as I am there, I conclude that my happiness is of little importance to you. I would not expect you to endure anything to make me feel better. It’s not about the right people “showing their face”. Let people do what they want without any manipulation.

The fact that we are friends/lovers/family/all of the above does not mean that we have to do everything together. All parties should be free to choose what and where they wish to do things at all times. Its fine for us to do things apart, and for some parts of our lives to never overlap.

It’s OK to disagree. Pretending to agree is pointless, as behaviour will show the underlying beliefs. Modifying beliefs and behaviour to suit others is flawed. Be yourself.